The Man She Wants
by MoonStarDutchess
Summary: Clouded judgement concealed true desires. But now the clouds have lifted.  Royai  Rated M for the last chapter. 4 Parts.
1. Groom

**The Man She Wants  
**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Part 1: Groom**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA and I gain no profit from this fanfiction., **

**AN: I usually don't write in the particular tense or point of view that I have for this four part series but the plotbunnies wouldn't leave me alone. I got the idea while picking raspberries of all things. LOL XD I hope you enjoy this. **

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In the back of my mind, I always knew. I knew that I would never be the most important man in her life. I knew his words would always outweigh any opinion I had. I knew he'd always come first no matter what. Even at the risk of herself.

But I'd been in complete denial because she was perfect for me. We had so much in common. She was beautiful, intelligent, independent, and strong. Riza Hawkeye was the best woman I'd ever met and the best one I'd ever lose. All those things about her clouded my judgment until today.

When I proposed and she accepted, I knew deep down I wasn't the man she wanted down on his knee in front of her. I don't think she was even aware that I wasn't the one. Her duty perhaps, or her longing for a family, or the barriers preventing their relationship, clouded her mind of what she truly desired.

Now as I watch her walking down the aisle towards me in a white dress, I know I'm not the one she wants standing here. Her gaze doesn't quite meet mine, conveying to me that she's realized it as well. I'm not the one she wants to look her in the eyes, or the one she wants to commit herself to until death. She's already committed herself to someone like that. All they lack is a ring.

And she knows it now.

When she arrives at my side and her grandfather, begrudgingly because he never liked me, gives me her hand, I know she wants to feel a rough glove in her palm instead of a smooth bare hand.

"I'm not him."

Her eyes widen and she meets my gaze. "No, you aren't. I'm sorry."

"Me too," I say, and then smile at the beautiful woman. "Go find the one you want."

She kisses my cheek, a very un-Riza-like gesture, then runs towards the door to the song of confused guests.

She's running to the one she wants, and I'm not the one.

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**AN: Comments are much appreciated.**


	2. Bride

**The Man She Wants**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Part 2: Bride**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA and I gain no profit from this fanfiction.**

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I ignore the stares and talking of people along the streets as I run. My veil and train on my dress floats behind me like wings. I wish they were. I would be able to get to him quicker.

I feel guiltier with every step away from the building and my wedding. I led him on, though not wittingly. He was, no, he is a wonderful person. A civilian I can have a family with someday. I saw it in my mind but something always hung over the vision like a tornado sucking up the complete happiness I was supposed to possess. He is someone that respects me as an equal. We have a lot in common.

Perhaps that is one of the worst things in a relationship. We never argued, never discussed much, because we are too much alike. That makes things complacent, dull. There is compatibility, but no spark. As corny as it sounds, the only one that can set a spark in me is Roy.

Roy elicits feelings from me that no one else can. He knows how to make me angry, and does so with such expertise I want to shoot him sometimes. But he knows how to make me smile too. He brings forth my genuine softer side, respects my opinions when they differ from his (which happens often). He's sweet, kind; everything that my ex groom is, but so much more.

I always let my stubbornness, my fear, and the barriers of work, get between us. And the kind man I almost married, suffered for my stupidity. He proved just what a wonderful person he is by letting me go, without a scene, and without hate. I hope he finds someone that deserves him someday.

As I turn up the street to Roy's house, my nerves kick in. I can feel the light sheen of sweat developing on my palms and my heartbeat increasing more in its beating than what the run here would cause.

What if he doesn't feel the same as I do. I know he cares for me, but how much? Just a friend? A colleague?

It matters but at the same time, it doesn't. It matters because I love him. I don't want my heart shattered. It doesn't matter because this confession has to come. It's long overdue and if it turns out his answer is negative, then I can live with the fact that he knows how I feel. That I hadn't hurt anyone other than myself.

I walk through the gateway and see through the window that the light in his study is on. I approach the door, and stand in front of it a full minute before my hand comes up to the dark red wood, and I knock.

Then I wait for the man I want.

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**AN: The groom was just a civilian I needed for my purpose of getting this bunny out of my brain. I can't really see that she would date someone in the military other than Roy. First person is really hard for me to write because I wanted to get realistic thoughts which meant sometimes I had to transition to a past way of speaking. Hope you enjoyed it and please review if you have the time.**


	3. Man

**The Man She Wants**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Part 3: The Man**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA and I gain no profit from this fanfiction.**

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I woke up at 6am today. Didn't want to. In fact, I would have been content to sleep forever. But then I thought, maybe it was all a dream. Maybe I wasn't really going to lose the most precious thing in my life.

Then I lay in bed for a bit longer, a bed she insisted I get the moment she found out I slept on an old, but comfortable, couch most nights. I stared up at the cracks in my ceiling, making notes in my mind to fix it later. Notes I would forget until the next morning.

I forced myself up from bed, got dressed, and went into my living room. When I sat down on my couch, my head made contact with the windshield that was reality. A tan invitation rested flat on my black coffee table. Written in black expensive looking writing was a request for my presence at a wedding. One I would only be a guest at when I really wanted to be the groom.

It's 9am now and the wedding is probably in full swing as I sit here, drinking bourbon from a glass much too large and working on work much too crucial for the heartbroken.

I regret that I never made my feelings clear to her. I didn't think I needed to. I thought she knew I treasured her more than anyone in my life. That I loved her. I thought I conveyed it well. I still love her.

It seemed like she loved me. The way she cried when Lust told her I was dead. The way she said she'd leave the world with my body, when I almost lost myself with envy. The tone in her voice the night in the hospital after the full brunt of my then-lost sight hit her. I thought all of it conveyed her love for me.

Was it all just wishful thinking? Perhaps she loved me once, but that love faded because I said nothing. So I guess the only possibility is that she doesn't love me. Of course, that's obvious otherwise she wouldn't be marrying someone else. I look down at my drink to see how much is left in the glass. I haven't drunk enough to blame my stupidity and grammar-school phrased thoughts on being inebriated.

I take another big drink of my alcohol, relishing in the smooth vanilla and oak taste and the soft steady burn as it descends my throat. Overall, she is what matters most. I hope she's happy even if I'm not the one she's sharing her life with. Even if I'm not the man she wants.

I sit my glass down when I hear a knock on my door. After standing, I straighten my collar and slick my hair back. Then I go to answer.

I open the door. . .


	4. The One

**The Man She Wants**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Part 4: The One**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA and I gain no profit from this fanfiction.**

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Roy opens the door and Riza has a hard time resisting the urge to jump into his arms right away. He's pale, and she can smell the bourbon upon his usual scent of ash, a sign he's been drinking. He's looking at her as if he's seeing a ghost.

She speaks the first thing that comes to her mind. "He's not the man I want."

Roy looks at her from her feet to the top of her head and nods once. "Good."

Then he pulls her into his arms, no questions on why she's there or what happened. Her head rests against his chest as his hands move up to loosen the veil and toss it to the side. When she raises her head, she sees tears threatening to spill from his eyes. When he raises his hand to her cheek, she feels that they are already spilling from hers.

He bends down, picks her up, and shuts the door with his foot before carrying her into his bedroom. When he sits her on her feet beside the bed, her lips connect with his and his tongue slips into her mouth. She expresses everything she desires with a kiss and roaming hands. His right hand moves up to unzip her dress, while his other cups her face as they continue their explorations of each other's mouths. Savor in each other's tastes.

She shrugs the dress off her shoulders when the zipper reaches its end, then steps out from the pile of silk. She pulls away from the kiss as he backs her towards the bed. "At least it made me pretty for a while."

Her back hits the sheets and her hands pull Roy's shirt over his head. His lips connect with hers briefly before he pulls away to say, "You're always beautiful." His lips move atop hers once more.

Their lips dance together without the need of anything except the blissful symphony in their minds. While this wasn't their first kiss, their first kiss was in Ishbal and carried nothing but the desire to escape, it was the first that contained such an exorbitant amount of love.

They bare themselves to each other, body and soul. Roy presses her against the cool, soft mattress, then covers her with his hard body, heartbeat thumping with heartbeat, breath mixing with breath, skin pressing against skin.

Their hands smooth along skin, a feather touch. Exploring, drawing out chills and shudders, and moans and bringing each other so close to completeness without having yet joined physically. Their minds are connected and for the first time, they feel complete.

He slips inside her, and they are possessed with such bliss they feel as if their hearts will explode and their bodies and souls will combine for eternity.

He begins moving within her. Long, slow, mild melding strokes that have him biting his lips and her gripping his hair with one hand and the sheet under her with the other.

He opens his eyes and stares into hers. Both are surprised and moved that they could love each other so much. Amazed that their hearts are capable of something so pure. He leans down to her ear, his breath hitting the outer shell once before he begins speaking.

"I . . . Roy . . . Mustang." Roy's voice comes out shakily, wispy. "Promises . . . to love . . . Riza Hawkeye,: He stops moving and she groans. He rests upon his elbows and pushes away the hair plastered to her cheek. He feels her insides begging him to continue but he had to tell her this first. "All the days of my life." He kisses her forehead. "No." He groans and continues moving. "Beyond that."

Riza wraps her arms around him, her fingers pressing into his back. "I Ri…za Hawkeye. Promises to love Roy Mustang." Her head tilts back as her body tightens around him. She takes a shuttering breath. "For eternity."

They speak nothing else. They can muster no more words as release crashes over them, sealing their promise to each other in the most intimate way conceivable.

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**AN: Despite not really fond of writing in first person this story is very special to me so I hope you enjoyed it as well. Much Love and Hugs.  
**


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